Vaginismus Treatments That DON'T Work

Whenever there is a problem, there is some bad advice to go with it. There are a lot of "treatment options" for vaginismus which simply don't work, and are often counterproductive for women. I heard some of these treatment options presented to me by my doctors, my well-meaning boyfriends, and the internet. Don't fall into these traps.
  • Just keep having sex
    This is one that my doctor told me to do (and later another doctor called that first one an idiot!). This can be extremely detrimental to you, not only physically but mentally. Not only will it deepen your association between sex and pain, thus making the vaginal spasms worse, it will lower your self esteem and make you think you are doomed to a life of horrible, painful sex. Continuing to have painful intercourse will not provide ANY benefits to you in your journey to vaginismus treatment.

  • Do your treatments with a partner - any partner
    While doing vaginismus treatments on your own can be more scary and frustrating at times, you don't want to try to push it by involving some random guy. There does not need to be an actual penis involved in your treatment, so don't be afraid to go it alone. If you do go through this process with someone, it should be someone who you trust and who cares about you.

  • Drink alcohol
    Alcohol will technically relax all the muscles in your body by a small amount. Being intoxicated will also distract you from the pain you feel when having intercourse. But not only is this solution overall ineffective, it is very short-term. Trust me, you don't want to have to get drunk every time you have sex.

  • Demand surgery
    It is true that surgery can fix certain problems with painful sexual intercourse (which is part of the reason step 1 of my treatment plan is to visit your doctor), but most women who suffer from vaginismus would not benefit from any surgical procedures because the vaginal spasms occur in vital muscles which cannot simply be removed or altered.

  • Relax, it's all in your head
    Even though some of the causes of vaginismus are psychological, you can't "just relax and it will go away." If this solves the problem, it wasn't vaginismus in the first place, it was a temporary problem like first-time jitters or a yeast infection. A rigorous treatment plan is necessary for any woman with significant pain on penetration.

  • Maybe you're just a lesbian
    Wait, say what? No. Vaginismus is not about how attracted you are to your partner: even if you found him the most sexy, attractive man in the world, your vaginal muscles would still tighten on penetration.