Step 2: Learn Your Body

The second step toward treating vaginismus is to learn your body. You need to figure out the things that set you off - the things that bring you pain. Without pinpointing what causes you pain, it will be tough to fix it.

Learn your physical pain points

Physical pain points are literally just things that can be done to make your vaginal intercourse painful. You should experiment when you are alone or with a partner - what hurts and what doesn't? Here is a list of things to look into:

  • What needs to touch you for the pain to start? Is it less painful with a finger than with a penis?
  • How hard do you have to push to cause pain? Does a light touch cause a spasm?
  • Is there a specific point (or points) where you are more sensitive? Feel around a bit and see if you can find specific pressure points.
  • Does it hurt more to touch the outer rim of the vagina, the middle, or the back?

Learn your emotional pain points

This one is a little trickier. Emotional pain points are things mental things which send your vagina into spasms. Think about what these might be. They are different for everyone, but typically center around a strong emotion, such as fear or disgust. They could include:

  • Thinking about sex. This could scare you because it reminds you of pain, or it could disgust you because you were brought up to believe that sex was immoral or gross.
  • Talking about sex. Similar to the last point, this could frighten or disgust you.
  • Getting touched sexually. This may sound like a physical pain point, but it's not: the touch doesn't cause you pain, it just brings you to automatically contract because you associate sexuality with negative emotions.
  • Remembering painful experiences - whether they were sexual in nature or not.
  • Remembering sexual or physical abuse in your past.

If you find you have more emotional pain points than physical ones, you may want to make it a top priority to visit a sex therapist

After you learn your body, you will be ready for step 3: using vaginal dilators.